3 Tips on managing ANGER
Urgh, I am angry again……
Anger is something we have to deal with almost every single day and as the saying goes, to err is human. If we are positive everyday and not feeling a tiny bit of anger deep down us, we are all saints.
However, that said, though anger is inevitable, it still sometimes make a huge impact in our decision making, in our life as well. Therefore, I am sharing 3 tips on how to manage this monster, ANGER.
Tip 1: Dig out the root of your anger
Everything happens for a reason, and the same applies to your anger as well. We must always know our enemy well before we try to confront it, and also beat it. In this case, our enemy is our ANGER. So how exactly do we need to do to find out more about our enemy?
Simple enough, first, before you direct your anger at someone, closed ones, or even something, take a few deep breath. These deep breaths are extremely helpful in a way that they calm your mind down before your mind is wired to acting recklessly. Afterwhich, give yourself 5 seconds to think through and clear your mind from negative thoughts.
After these 5 seconds, run through the event or a person that triggers your anger and ask the following questions…
- What event/person has triggered my ANGER?
- How did that event/person triggered my ANGER?
- Is there any way I could have avoided ANGER?
- What is the best, amicable way to resolve the situation?
So now, let’s say, you have just encountered an event that triggers your anger. For example, someone accidentally spilling coffee on a work that you have spent the last 3 hours working on.
You will realise that these questions do not give you the concrete answers on how to eliminate ANGER. What they do is that they guide you along to find the root of your ANGER.
After answering these questions in your mind, then you will probably have a clearer picture of the root of your ANGER.
So although there is no foolproof way in finding the exact root cause of your ANGER, but these questions are definitely helpful in guiding you in the process of seeking the answers that are helpful in managing your anger.
Tip 2: Never suppress your anger.
When I mentioned that we should never suppress our ANGER, what I really meant is that instead of suppressing them, we should try to dissipate the ANGER in ourselves and try not to vent it on someone.
So how do we get about dissipating the ANGER in ourselves?
The very first thing is to not act on impulse. Acting impulsively directly equates to a reckless decision. Why do I say so? When we act on impulse, we are purely acting based on our human instincts, the very nature to protect ourselves against foreseeable threats. You might be thinking, then shouldn’t it be beneficial for ourselves? You are not wrong when you are harbouring this thoughts, however, in every situation when ANGER is involved, there are always two results, either a peaceful ending or a chaotic ending. By relying on our instincts and act on impulse, studies have shown that most of the situations will end up escalating towards the chaotic ending. We certainly would not want things to end up badly.
So, when you encounter ANGER, first, eliminate the first thought that comes to your mind (aka your instincts). That already helps you to avoid the possible ending of a chaotic one.
Next, rather than being in our own shoes, we should try to step out and step into the others’ perspectives. By doing so, we are allowing ourselves to view things from a more balanced view, that said, I am not ignoring the fact that there will still be a bit of human bias involved, albeit lesser compared to if we were to act on impulse.
There are a few guiding questions (which personally helps me to understand the situation better).
- Why is the other person angry?
- Why am I angry?
- What are some of the parties involved in the situation and what are their roles?
These questions are definitely not the golden rules per se. They are just some questions I personally feel are helpful for everyone to start out from to approach ANGER in a calmer way.
After answering these questions in your mind, it may not be the most detailed one, but it will at least give you a clearer picture of the situation. Therefore, you will be able to understand the different perspectives involved in the situation before making a more sensible and rational decision.
Tip 3: To remain positive (genuinely).
The last tip may sound cliché, however, it is actually one of the most difficult and underrated approach when it comes to dealing with ANGER as well as in myriad of situations.
Positivity is greatly advocated be it in self-help publications, videos or even in famous quotes. However, take a minute now and ponder, are we really embracing positivity just by scrolling mindlessly through these contents everyday? Probably no, and the answer is probably justified by our behaviour. We may be reading positivity content everyday, but if we do not explore and try them out, we are actually not trying to be positive. It just creates a facade that deceives your mind into thinking that you are actually embracing positivity when you are not in reality.
So, positivity is a very BIG word, a broad term that will take me a long time to understand as well. However, in situations when we are dealing with ANGER, there are some approaches I would recommend for you to start practicing from the moment you have finished reading the post.
When you are in a sticky situation, rather than embracing the first thought that comes to the mind, which is probably “How is it my fault? Why are you directing anger on me?”, we should tell ourselves, “He/She probably has reasons to be angry at me.” When we tell ourselves this, we are indirectly switching our minds to be more “warm”, rather than “cold”. The “warm” refers to being more receptive to perspectives and the “cold” refers to being more protective of yourselves, rejecting any views that falls in the face of your beliefs.
When you are more “warm”, you will realise that you will slowly view the situation as a scenario for you to step up to do the mediation, rather than trying to confront the other party which could worsen the situation.
After countless practices of trying to be the “warm” one in sticky situations, you will find yourself to be truly, genuinely embracing the positive mindset, which will help you to maneuver out of the worst case scenarios, culminating to a win-win situation.
By practicing these 3 tips, I wish all of you a happy success in dealing with the monster, ANGER.
Cheers, everyone.
